Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
