It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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