woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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