so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
