She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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