I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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