Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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