Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
