I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
