I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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