Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
