I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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