His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
