I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wanna go halves on a baby?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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