Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He kissed a someone with a penis
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
