I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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