Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
