You just made me feel so damn special
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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