it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
