Kiss
Puke
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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