it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
