Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
