If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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