Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
