you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
