remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
