I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
