took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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