its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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