I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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