i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
