Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
