He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
