He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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