i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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