I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
