dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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