What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
