never play flip cup with pint glasses
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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