I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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