cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
