the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
