I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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