then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
