he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
