The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
