I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
