I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
