i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
