im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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