I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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